Fruit of Sajdah

Shall I tell you of my only visitor, my only companion?

I never hated and liked someone at the same time.
But, I do hate her, for that she makes me tired.
But then again I like her,
she provides me comfort.
She is clear and pure.
She is a traveler and many times I miss her.

Glorified is My Lord! The One who created this friend for me.

She is part of me. Never leaves me alone when I’m in pain.
Who is she?
She travels all the way from my heart, to pay me a visit.
She travels through my liver, to my heart, through my throat, silencing my scream, telling me: "Don't yell...you’ll be fine!”
She does not let me shout.
Through the throat,
to my eyes.
So clear is she.
So adorable,
so cute!
In my eyes, she twirls around and tries to wash the sorrows.
Then to my eyelashes,
it’s a comforting dew,
hanging on,
holding tight.
But then she does not understand.
So I hate her.
She makes me tired and embarrasses me.
"Leave me alone" I try to tell her.
But then, being with her is much better than loneliness.

So she jumps on my cheeks. And looks at me amazed.
Looks into my eyes, trying to understand the problem.
"Why so sad, Alidost?"

What a confusion, for both of us.

So I try to explain:

"My dear tear. Leave me alone.
But if you do, whom should I talk to?”

She tries so hard to wash my sorrow and to cheer me up.

My Lord! What a gift You have granted.
Thank You.
You are the Merciful.
Save me from my tears without taking her away!

I don't want her! For that She tires me.

I need her, for that in Your Light, she creates rainbows on my face.

My tear, my only visitor, the fruit of my sajdah to You.

Complaint

My Lord!
The Creator of the Universe.

Tonight,
My sleep has been hijacked
By troubling thoughts
So,
Here I am
In complaint

My Creator.
You are a Witness
That I do not worship anyone
But You
You are also a Witness
to my dedication
and
Love
for Your Messenger and his family.

My Lord!
I will not dare to complain about creating me.
But my Lord, what wrong did my soul commit
so that I be deprived from meeting Your great messenger?!

What sin did I commit, so that I would be banned from talking to him?
Am I that bad, that I am barred from learning directly from him?
Am I that awful, that I had to be imprisoned in this timeline?
Only reading contradictory texts about him, here and there.
Listening about him in lectures, here and there.

While the companions would just walk up to him and talk away.

What a pain You have inflicted me.
Every problem
has a solution.
Every pain
has a cure.
Every agony
has an end.

But not this one
This one has no solution or cure or an end
My Lord!

Help me!

This pain of separation from the presence of Your greatest Mercy
This pain of distance from Your greatest creation
Will follow me to the grave.

What a tough luck!

The trees,
the birds,
the horses,
the camels
and even the dust of Medina
were more blessed than me
by having the great honor
of serving the Prophet directly

I would give up my life and anything that I value
For one moment, a fraction of a second, a flash of a sight
To see, to visit, to offer direct “salaams” upon him
Not in dreamland
Not in hereafter
But here, in this world

Your wisdom decided that
I stay in agony of separation from the ones I love.
Your wisdom dictates that
I be stuck here away from
Muhammad and his family
(countless peace and greatest salute upon them).

This complaint is not my fault.
Is it my fault that You have seeded the Love for them in my heart?
Is it my fault that I was born 1400 years later?
Is it my fault that no one understands this pain of mine?

Here they were, Ammar, Abu Zar, Bilal, Jabir, Salmaan, and so many others
Even Owais, who got a chance to at least walk on the same soil as the Prophet

Here I am, surrounded by my sins, pathetic weak faith,
Large number of talkers
Small number of doers

And a never-ending pain.

Just a complaint,
My Lord,
That I can never
For once
meet
The Great Mercy to Mankind
In person
in this world.

You are the most Wise.
I just shed tears
submit to this destiny
be grateful
That at least, You have illuminated my heart
By the Light of their love.

You are the most wise.
I submit to the destiny You have written for me.
But in tears of separation
it is
that I do so.

Before Dawn

Many times I come to You,
with my head,
down,
screaming for help,
from the daggers

of this world
and the thorns
of deceiving flowers.

Other times I come to You,
desperate for pardon
from my ignorant acts
and sinful deeds

Tired of
keeping my head
either in shame,
or in despair,
this time,
I look up
for a change.

And change do I find.
My God!

I see You!

I see You
in the stars,
reminding me of Your Guidance,

I see You
in the full Moon,
reminding me of Your Glory

I see You
in the shooting stars,
reminding me of Your vast
protection

I see You
in the clouds
and the rain

Oh I see You
My Master!

I see You
in the rain!
Mixing with my tears.
Tears that discover
Your vast Mercy,
dancing along
with the merciful
rain

My God!
This time,
I am not asking for pardon,
At this hour,
I am not asking for help,
Not for heaven,
neither am I seeking
shelter
from Hell Fire

My Creator,
keeping my head up,
I ask for Three things:

First,
I ask
For
You!
and a chance to Praise You.

Second,
I ask
for
Your Great Messenger
and a chance to see him.

Third,
I ask
for
Your Messenger’s household
And a chance to Love them.

I keep my head up!
And see You.

And You are so hidden
from
my eyes,
and all eyes
but so close
closer than my jugular vein.
so close to
myself.
Sigh that I am far
and departed
from myself.

Oh sigh to those
who miss this sight.

Oh sigh to those
who miss these tears

Oh sigh to those
who do not see Your Glory

I pity those
who miss the name
Of Your Greatest Mercy
Muhammad
Your greatest Peace and blessings upon him

I mourn those
who miss the
Love
of his great household

So here I am,
screaming Your name:
Allahu Akbar!

Waking all up

Screaming and letting all know,
that
there is none but You,

Waking all up
to this moment
to the name of Your Messenger

Calling all
to the best act
to bow down,
to drag their face
on
mud
in
humility
Praising You
Glorifying Your Name

OH PITY ON
THOSE WHO ARE
ASLEEP!
So I scream

This is far sweeter
than morning sleep

My Lord!

So I keep my head
down
in
prostration.
in
mud,
for that I see You
in the mud, from which
You created me

As I keep my
head up in awe of
Your Creation
or
my head
down in Sajdah
swimming in Your Praise
and
Your Great Mercy,
I forget
all my problems
all my sins
at this hour,
and only
one thing
concerns me,


and that is


You.
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